overweight-woman

Feederism: A sadistic power complex or a harmless fetish?

The act of sex is simple, but the spectrum of what turns people on is complex and varied. For some people pleasure comes from being in a certain position or engaging in a certain type of foreplay, for others it is more to do with the visual. For feeders and gainers, pleasure comes from food and weight gain. ‘Ball bellies’ are the aim and they couldn’t care less about Western society’s slim ideals of beauty.

We live in a culture that largely discourages being overweight and praises dieting. This is why it is not unusual for women to feel a sense of freedom during pregnancy, as it is the one time in life where most people (minus internet trolls) don’t judge you for gaining weight. For gainers, it is more than just being able to eat whatever you like without judgment; being big is beautiful and eating makes them feel good. An anonymous gainer told the Telegraph that, even as a child, she had fantasies about inflating to the point where she could float away. She also spoke about stuffing pillows up her dress to look bigger and seeking out pregnant and plus size women in magazines and artwork.

The fetish known as feederism or gaining involves gainers/feedees who put on weight and feeders/encouragers who motivate them to reach their size goals. Their enjoyment comes from the journey to obtaining their target weight and not the weight itself. How to gain weight is often a hot topic on gaining dating sites. A common misconception is that it is centred on unhealthy eating practices and gaining to the point of immobility, but their joy comes from variety and balance. Their diet does not always consist of junk food and most gainers dip in and out of scene to maintain normal working lives. Ultimately, they just want to like what they see in the mirror when they are completely bare and vulnerable, which is something we all aim for.

gainer

Another misconception is that it is all about dominance and power, when in fact ‘submissive gainers’ tend to only factor as a subgroup within the fetish. Submissive gainers allow the dominant to control how much they eat and how much weight they need to gain. Like other dom/sub relationships, this arrangement is based on trust and the submissive allowing the dominant to have the power. It is not forced. However, as this fetish has filtered into the porn industry, the power dynamics have become skewed and poor health is often encouraged for a bigger payday.

According to AlterNet, in the world of gaining being branded a ‘piggy’, gluttonous or lazy can be a turn on and the power of being a feeder can be alluring. Foreplay can include ‘bloating’, which involves consuming a large amount of food and drinks to expand your stomach or, if you don’t want to actually gain weight, water can be a good alternative. ‘Paddling’ is the art of putting cushions under your clothes to appear bigger and the act of ‘squashing’ your partner with your weight in front of an audience can be highly erotic. Another pastime is known as ‘inflation’, where air is forced into your body via your mouth or anus like a balloon to make your tummy swell.

Like everyone else, gainers and feeders just want to feel loved and accepted for the way they are. This is partly why niche dating sites and feederism-related social media hashtags are so popular, for their sense of community. Dating apps like Fantasy Feeder, Gaining Fetish, Dimensions, Grommr and Curvage connect like-minded people and allow them to share images, videos, recipes and fantasies. They also encourage debates about size politics. The sites take away the stigma of being overweight and allow people to feel safe enough to share their desires with people who will appreciate them. Lots of gaining videos have gone viral with positive commentary and related hashtags and FB groups are used by thousands. Anonymity is an important aspect of these websites, as it grants members the freedom to really be themselves.

gc

Fatima Parker, the President of the Size Acceptance Association believes that the fetish is “dangerous and exploitative”. She goes on to explain that “there is a difference between someone accepting you for who you are and someone trying to make you actively bigger.” She believes that people engage in these partnerships from a place of insecurity, which is taken advantage of. However, in some cultures being slim is associated with poverty and poor fertility. In some African communities, women are encouraged to thicken up before marriage to become more attractive to their husbands. It could be argued that some people indulge in this fetish because they don’t subscribe to the Western beauty narrative and don’t necessarily have a self-esteem problem.

For gainers, putting on weight is something to be celebrated and is the key to sexual satisfaction. Psychology Professor George Pranzarone, from Roanoke College Virginia, likens the fetish to morphophilia. This condition is defined as having a sexual interest in a partner who has a very different body to you. Basically, a feeder’s orgasms are dependent on their partner being a lot larger than they are. With the emergence of curvy celebrities like the Kardashians, Adele, Nicki Minaj and Meghan Trainor, it is officially cool to not be a size zero. Watching the number on the scale increase without consequence feels naughty and that adrenaline rush is all part of the fun.

For those who engage in the fetish due to insecurity, bullying and fat shaming is an everyday battle, especially with the current financial strain on the NHS. Obesity has been linked to diabetes, heart disease and cancer, but studies show that inactivity is a bigger problem than physical size. In extreme cases, being overweight can restrict your movement and destroy your quality of life to the point where you are completely dependent on other people. It is important to remain active and listen to your doctor if the fetish is starting to negatively affect your health. For those who are not used to getting positive attention, their new sex appeal can be addictive. This then becomes a vicious circle wherein their target weight continuously increases to meet the demands of their fans and their health serves as collateral damage.

g couple

Feminism has opened the door for a number of rebellions against the Western ideal of beauty, including allowing your armpit hair to grow and #freethenipple. Gaining is another counter attack on the media’s prototype. However, gender roles are still at play within the gaining community, as female feeders are seen as a rare phenomenon and are largely underrepresented on the scene’s websites. The overwhelming media coverage of women being the submissive gainers has created the stereotype that women are normally the passive victims within this fetish, which again is untrue.

Anything taken to the extreme in a relationship can cause it to become dark and abusive. It is important to set boundaries and stick to them, in order to put your health first. With submissive gainers, an equal power balance is key and neither party should ever feel uncomfortable. It is easy to put on weight when you have someone spurring you on and taking over your everyday domestic responsibilities, but what happens if the relationship ends and you’re faced with independence again? As long as you are still able to take care of yourself and those around you in these circumstances then there’s no shame in weight gain, as long as it’s done in a healthy way. Curves are beautiful after all.

new year

The Reality Of Freezing Your Eggs

As Posted On Simply Oloni

Recently tech companies Facebook and Apple added egg freezing to the list of health benefits available to their employees and with TV shows like New Girl and Being Mary Jane also bringing it to our attention, an increasing number of women are signing up blindly. It’s 2015, what woman doesn’t want a shot at ‘having it all’?

The problem with this superwoman ideal is that it’s unrealistic. US Glamour writer Debora Spar spoke about how the principles of feminism have been interpreted into a “route to personal perfection” and how this attitude has led to the harsh judgement of others and ourselves when things don’t go as planned.

Women have always been expected to bear children, but this pressure to provide biological babies is exposing women to health risks, whilst drastically reducing their bank balance. Not to mention the psychological trauma that occurs in the cases where treatment is ineffective. Since egg freezing was licensed by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) ten years ago, 6,500 eggs have been stored in Britain and only 12 babies have been born, so the chances of disappointment are high.

So first of all let’s break down the procedure and the risks involved. After your initial consultation, you will experience a series of blood tests to test your fertility. Once approved, you will have to inject yourself with a potent dose of hormones twice a day for several weeks. Two weeks before the egg retrieval stage, you will be given medicine, regular ultrasound scans and blood tests to monitor the growth of your eggs.

Stage two occurs during your normal period of ovulation, which involves a 15-20min operation. During the procedure you will be put to sleep and the doctor will use fine needles to inject your ovaries and extract 10-15 eggs, which can cause cramping and bloating. In some cases a laparoscopy will be performed, where a small incision is made just below your navel to suction the eggs.

Two cycles of the first two stages are recommended for the best chances of conception, priced at £5,000 per cycle. Only cancer patients have the option of it being covered by the NHS. Stage three involves the process of ‘flash freezing’, legally your frozen eggs can be stored for up to ten years costing £200 a year. When you decide to go ahead with IVF to conceive a baby, the earlier ordeal of testing and self-administered hormone injections will resume to prepare your body for a baby.

The final stage occurs once your uterus has responded well to the hormones. Your eggs are then carefully thawed and injected with sperm through a procedure called Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI), which is usually around £2,000. Multiple rounds of IVF treatment are sometimes necessary to produce a healthy embryo before it is inserted into your womb for your pregnancy to continue as normal.

As with any medical procedure, there are possible complications. The biggest risk is Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS), which can cause a number of unpleasant side effects and in severe cases, death. 1 in 3 women will develop OHSS during the process of hormone injections, but a new British technique known as ‘Agonist Triggering’ lessens the risk. Doctors recommend freezing your eggs as early as possible for better results, as the chances of conception drop to 10% by the age of 40.

On the brighter side, freezing your eggs can feel empowering and take the edge off motherhood, as it buys you more time to get your life together. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, research shows that planned pregnancies normally make for an easier transition into parenthood. Despite perhaps outdated notions that the traditional nuclear family is best, single mothers can offer less conflict caused by incompatible two-parent households. Not all solo parents are a result of poor lifestyle choices.

But ladies if you are going to go the independent mother route; please don’t resort to stealing your man’s sperm or skipping contraception without him knowing, it never ends well. Sperm thief Liz Jones told the Daily Mail – “I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals” – but admitted that she was not thinking about his “reasonable desire to be allowed to grow up himself first.” Forcing fatherhood will not make him love you back; and it’s unfair to take advantage of the fact that the law requires him to then pay child support. He has a right to a future too.

Motherhood is a beautiful experience, whether you become a mum naturally, through IVF or adoption. Women CAN have it all, but the definition of what ‘all’ means depends on your expectations. Life is a marathon not a race, so don’t put yourself at risk caving from the pressure. Live life at your own pace and if you decide that freezing your eggs is the best option for you, then I wish you all the luck in the world.

If you do find yourself pregnant, here are some of the delightful experiences you may go through.

uner

Throwback Interview: UNER

As seen in DJ Mag

LUCKY 7: UNER 

UNER gives us his Lucky 7.

This Spanish sound-maker arrived on the scene in 2009 under Diynamic and made sure that he put in all the elbow grease necessary to become the highly sought-after DJ/producer he is today, following the success of his debut album ‘Tune 432’ last year. The stage is where UNER really flexes his creative muscles. This year fans can catch him headlining stages in Australia and Asia during April; followed by performances in Miami (for WMC), Athens, Madrid, Buenos Aires, Cairo, Berlin and Bucharest. His unique brand of kick-ass deck dominance entails the sonic versatility of a personal DJ session fused with the creativity of a live act.

UNER’s journey into the world of EDM has truly come full circle, as the artist that stole his record-buying virginity, Laurent Garnier, recently reached out to collaborate on his latest remix; which will be hitting the airwaves this February/March. Other artists swinging for the opportunity to add a little UNER magic to their tracks include; Guti, Chus & Ceballos, Nic Fanciulli, Felix da Housecat and Sasha. So if you don’t know, now you know that UNER is about to become the household name for 2015.

In addition to his “mixture” shows and a string of red-hot remixes, UNER has also announced a B2B series with Technasia for later this year. He will be returning as the resident DJ at Ibiza’s notorious Ants venue and appearing at the opening Ushuaia fiesta; cementing his five-year reign as one of Ibiza’s most innovative fixtures. He will also be mixing the Blue Marlin official Defected CD over May/June and will be one of the few Spanish artists chosen to speak at key global conference panels including; Capetown’s Sonar, Holland’s infamous ADE and at Ibiza’s Burn and IMS conferences. Ahead of his busy schedule, the techno prodigy sat down with DJ Mag USA to provide us with the soundtrack to the songs that helped shape him into the international rock star he is today.

Which track really sums up your childhood?

I have a lot of tracks in mind from my childhood because my father used to play music at home every day. And I always used to listen to everything with him. I remember that there were two special tracks: Status Quo’s “Whatever You Want” and Kiss’ “I Was Made For Loving You.” I was in love with those tracks and I usually tried to play along with my guitar!

What was the first record that you ever bought?

The first record I ever bought with my own money was “Crispy Bacon” by Mister [Laurent] Garnier!! I can also remember the first time I saw him play the track live. It was one of the best moments of my life.

What’s the most embarrassing record in your collection?

Oh for me nothing is embarrassing because every record is a part of my life and my music collection, but [tracks] like Nacho Dogan’s [music], [it’s a] shame he died at just 37 years old, or Enrique y Ana’s “Coconuts” [are pretty cringe worthy].

What track is guaranteed to make you cry?

No doubt, Michael Nyman’s “The Sacrifice.”

 What album are you currently into?

The last album I listened to this week was “A Night At The Opera,” [which features] one of my favourite songs ever (“Bohemian Rhapsody”) and “Kind of Magic“… QUEEN! [I became] a bit of a rock and roller [a few] months ago.

What’s the most valuable record in your collection?

Also without a doubt, Mozart’s “Requiem“, Vinyl Edition.

What’s your all-time favourite track?

It’s difficult to choose just one, but I will try to [name] three. As I said, “Bohemian Rhapsody” is one of my favourites, with Mozart’s “Lacrymosa” and Jean Michel Jarre’s “Magnetic Fields”, among others.

Like this interview? Check out my chats with EDM/rap artist Waka Flocka and fellow Hispanic celeb Erica Mena.

bill patrick

Throwback Interview: Bill Patrick

As seen in DJ Mag

Take 10: Bill Patrick

We asked Bill Patrick, affectionately dubbed the ‘working class DJ’, for his top ten tracks.

The self-confessed Nu-Romantic began his musical journey in New York City, debuting his DJ skills at venues like The Limelight and Vinyl & Arc. This earned him the opportunity to join forces with the folks at Robot Radio to create the infamous Robots parties and entertain his fellow New Yorkers by hosting a weekly radio show.

In 2008, the hopeless romantic moved across the pond to Berlin, Germany, to “challenge the European state of mind and how sexually active they, as a people, can become.” This move has since proved to be quite the stroke of genius on Patrick’s behalf, as he went on to play at mega festivals like Romania’s Sunwaves, Art Basel, BPM and in super clubs like DC10, Fabric and Paris’ Rex.

These days, when he’s not over-sharing on social media with the intent to educate the masses on his unique view of contemporary dance music, he is sourcing new artists as the head of A&R at Guy Gerber’s Supplement Facts label; or hosting his wildly popular ‘Private Stock’ show on Pulse Radio. Fans can catch him dominating the decks at London’s Fabric nightclub on February 28th. Here are his 10…

  1. Burial – “Archangel

“I didn’t expect to lose my shit so quickly. Hairs stood up, chills, disbelief and envy all proceeded to overtake my universe. This was basically everything I loved about music, life, love and sadness all wrapped up into one song and, subsequently, one album.”

  1. Radiohead – “How To Disappear Completely

“I mean, how can you pick one Radiohead song? ‘Kid A’ was the album that shifted the poles, took this band into another dimension and changed everyone’s idea of what a rock band should sound like.”

  1. Grizzly Bear – “Ready, Able

“It pretty much put me on a different musical trajectory. I started my radio show quite soon after, in an attempt to introduce this type of music to more people in the dance scene. The video took this song to a whole other level. Super creative, visually and artistically stunning.”

  1. Ricardo Villalobos – “Quizas”

“2003 was [the] year that I was cutting my teeth in NY as a DJ and really started to make a name for myself; this album helped [me to] do that. I was a resident at Vinyl/Arc in Tribeca and playing stuff like this on the main floor was something that helped me carve my own sound.”

  1. Ol’ Dirty Bastard – “Goin’ Down

“When I was in high school, my friend Lance Doucet and I took the ferry to Staten Island to check out the new Wu-Tang store that had just opened up. I knew all the words and for that one day in February I felt like an honorary member of the Wu-Tang Clan. Ol’ Dirty Billy?”

  1. Quicksand – “Landmine Spring

“Quicksand was a very influential band for me. They blurred the lines of hardcore, punk and emo, incorporating a more melodic side that eventually took me into my full-blown emo stage. Walter Schreifels (lead singer) was someone I really admired.”

  1. Nirvana – “Lithium

“I used to put this song on in my bedroom, get totally amped up and jump around in anticipation for the weekend and kissing girls. Kurt Cobain was a hero of mine. This album defined a generation.”

  1. Erasure – “River Deep, Mountain High (Private Dance Mix)”

“The band that thrust me into electronic music was Erasure. This was a cover of an old Ike and Tina Turner song and the top line was “sampled” (ripped off) by Prince in “If I Was Your Girlfriend”. Controversy!!”

  1. Sunny Day Real Estate – “Shadows

“I was coming out of my teenage angst phase and started to explore [my] feelings. I was great at getting my heart broken, like the Drake of my generation. This song was the soundtrack to many of those shattered hearts.”

  1. Pink Floyd – “One Of These Days

“My shrooms started to kick in while I was in the back seat listening to this song. At 2 minutes and 50 seconds shit gets official and then the voice comes in with “one of these days I’m going to cut you into little pieces.” I fucking passed out. My friends had to pull over and I proceeded to throw up on the side of the road.”

Like this interview? Check out my chats with Hermitude and Joey Negro.

digitalism

Throwback Interview: Digitalism

As seen in DJ Mag

Wax Lyrical: Digitalism

Hamburg duo Jens ‘Jence’ Moelle and İsmail ‘Isi’ Tüfekçi aka Digitalism introduce us to their world…

When asked to describe their sound, Jence eloquently compares their tracks to “simple chapters in a complex novel about social interaction and attraction, with distorted baselines and thumping rhythms comprising the punctuation.” Their latest single ‘Second Chance’ certainly falls in line, with its punchy, building instrumental laced with falsetto, futuristic vocals that preach seizing the moment.

‘Second Chance’ follows last year’s dancefloor smash ‘Wolves,’ which featured Californian indie singer Youngblood Hawke. ‘Wolves’ served as an ode to all the insomniacs, who take inspiration from the twilight hours. Both tracks boast their own remix EP and represent the pair’s growth since their debut offering ‘Idealism’ in May 2007, which saw the pair more restricted when trying to find their voice in the midst of two equally strong genres, rock and EDM.

Their new sound has matured into something more fluid, reminiscent of the colourful glam rock era in the 1980s, but with a modern electronic twist. Since their formation in 2004, they have left their mark on remixes with everyone from Daft Punk to the White Stripes and it has just been announced that they will be bringing the same je ne sais quoi to Lollapalooza’s first European edition in Berlin on September 12th 2015.

First ever rave experience?

Both: “2006’s I Love Techno festival in Belgium and a few big parties like Bugged Out or The Warehouse Project in Manchester.”

What is the most crucial dance record of all time?

Isi: “Too many good ones…”

Jence: “Hard to pick, but for me really crucial and important is ‘Together’ by Thomas Bangalter & DJ Falcon.”

Name three tunes that never leave your bag?

Isi: “Daft Punk – Homework, Digitallism – Zdarlight and Soulwax – Miserable Girl.”

Jence: “Vitalic’s ‘Pony EP’, ‘Zdarlight’ too of course, Felix Da Housecat & Miss Kittin – ‘Silver Screen Shower Scene and the Thin White Duke Remix’.”

What is your lights-up, end-of-the-night tune?

Both: “We trust our musical backgrounds… Nothing [is] planned.”

If you could meet anyone, past or present, who would it be?

Isi: “It changes daily.”

Jence: “Meeting up with Ennio Morricone would be great.”

Imagine the world is going to end tomorrow. What are you going to do tonight?

Jence: “Fly some friends in, go to my local bar.”

Isi: “Spend time with my inner circle.”

Please give us three words to describe your life.

Isi: “Urbanism, Bud Spencer and Terrence Hill documentaries.”

Jence: “Music, travel and tasting.

Like this interview? Check out my chats with Jimi Raine and Johnny Dean.

ricky-vaughn

Throwback Interview: Ricky Vaughn

As seen in DJ Mag

Wax Lyrical: Ricky Vaughn

The certified “Twerk Ambassador” of Brooklyn waxes lyrical.

Ricky Vaughn is a unique talent in his ability to produce a completely fresh sound through his use of standout drum patterns laced with a plethora of musical genres. This is evident in his former work as half of underground sensation duo Sazon Booya, who single-handedly pioneered a little thing called moombahton, when he went by the alias Mr Vega.

The affectionately dubbed “Trap Lord” has grown in leaps and bounds since then and manages to blend not just genres, but cultures too, through his aural mash up of multilingual sound bites and multi-ethnic rhythms. Careful not to be put in a box sonically, Ricky describes his music as something “that makes people dance” and after fans hear his latest release ‘Art of Moombahton Vol. 5’ dance they will for 47mins straight.

This mix marks the end of an era for the NY based artist, as the final instalment of the critically acclaimed series that began back in 2013. It features fourteen unreleased productions and collaborations from the likes of Maxx & EJ, Otis Clapp and Ackeejuice Rockers among others. Thus far the previous four chapters have racked up five Top 20 singles on the Beatport Chart and scored famous fans in the shape of Diplo, Doctor P and Bassnectar to name a few.

Ricky Vaughn has since been busy in the studio cooking up a storm for his debut solo album and fans can expect a new untitled EP to drop in late spring via Babygrande Records.

First-ever rave experience?

“My first rave experience was actually my first gig as well. I was spinning at an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn, NY, with Codes, who was known as The American Dream Team, and Mixpak’s Jubilee. I had no idea what a rave was, besides what I saw on TV or in the movies, [which] were pretty accurate lol. From the furry boots and neon colors, to the cops shutting down the party three times and us still continuing. I was nervous as hell playing my music in a smoke-filled room with tons of sweaty ravers, [with] no clue whether they liked it or not, and [I] ended up totally dehydrated by the time my set was over.”

What is the most crucial record of all time?

“This is a hard question lol. For me there’s a bunch that really shaped me as an artist. I would say from the beginning of my career it would be Special ED’s ‘I Got It Made’, Big Daddy Kane’s ‘Ain’t No Half Steppin’ & Eminem’s ‘Slim Shady’ LP. Then as I explored electronic music, it would definitely be Radiohead’s ‘OK Computer’ [and] Justice Cross & Boys Noize’s ‘Oi Oi Oi’.”

Name three tunes that never leave your bag?

“Ricky Vaughn – ‘Mal De Ojo’, Ricky Vaughn x Paul Lee – ‘Original Kings’ and Ricky Vaughn ft Michele Wylen – ‘Heroin’.”

What’s your lights-up, end of night tune? And why?

“My end of night tune’s really very dependent on the crowd. One night I might end on Outkast – ‘Bombs Over Baghdad’, the next it could be Collie Buddz – ‘Come Around’ or even, my favourite, some of DJ Rashad’s footwork stuff. I like to feed off the crowd’s energy and I never play the same set.”

If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

“Timbaland.”

Imagine that the world is going to end tomorrow. What are you going to do tonight?

“Wow this is tough. Probably dinner with my circle and family, spending the remaining time with my five-year-old son.”

Please give us three words to describe your life?

“Underestimated, evolving [and] exciting.”

Like this interview? Check out my interview with fellow New York native DJ Tony Touch and my album review for another New Yorker, Troy Ave.

slut shame

A Woman’s Sexual Exploits ‘Ain’t None Of Ya Business’: Word to Salt N’ Pepa

Society loves to police female sexuality and it is super unhealthy.

Feminist author Chimamanda Adichie mentioned in her infamous TED Talks speech that “we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.” Young girls are continually bombarded with the message that their number of sexual partners should remain low if they want to be taken seriously as a girlfriend or potential wife. Young men are praised for taking virginities and being the player that can juggle multiple women at once. Marriage for females is seen as the ultimate goal, but for men it is something to be avoided for as long as possible, as it means the end of their promiscuous freedom. Something here doesn’t add up.

Refreshingly, the new wave of female comedienne voices in television and film have begun to chip away at that horrible double standard in their work. Films like ‘What’s Your Number’ and ‘Train Wreck’ have broached the topics of female promiscuity and being taken seriously by men when they play them at their own game. Despite both protagonists being party girls that use men for sex, the message is that they are still human beings who deserve a forever love with someone who respects them. Simple, right?

Relationship guide books like Steve Harvey’s ‘Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man’ suggest that women should hold out on having sex for a while in order to be seen as relationship potential and not something casual. Steve promotes the idea of the ‘90 Day Rule’ wherein the woman makes a conscious decision to wait 90 days after the first date to sleep with the man, in order to decipher his intentions and for him to get to know her outside of the bedroom. Although sex is an important part of healthy adult relationships, should it really hold this much weight in terms of whether this person could be your happy ever after? Why are men not told to hold out for the same reason?

There seems to be this assumption that men are these feral creatures who are only capable of thinking with their dicks when it comes to the opposite sex, which is ridiculously patronising. This assumption is dangerous because it leads to excuses for deviant behavior and the victim blame culture when it comes to rape. Newsflash, men are fully capable of self-control and reading the signs for consent. For 2016, let’s put the focus on our chemistry with each other and mutual respect, rather than how soon we’ve chosen to have sex with each other, and we may just find ‘the one’ a whole lot sooner.

This leads me to the topic of the dreaded friend zone, which comes after a one-sided decision from the uninterested party to have a purely platonic relationship without the inter-sheet action. For men this seems to be a gut-wrenching blow to their ego, but it actually shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing at all. Having a friend of the opposite gender means you have inside information on how the other side thinks and you get that companionship you miss when you’re single. Win win. Sex isn’t a luxury given to everybody, which is exactly how you want your future wives to behave, apparently. Embrace it.

2015 was the year when slut shaming came into the forefront of discussion. Slut shaming is defined as: “an unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.” Celebrities like Amber Rose and Blac Chyna sparked controversy when they arrived in cat suits covered in derogatory terms used to describe women who fit this definition to the MTV Video Music Awards. Their goal being to reclassify the words into something positive and to reclaim the power these words had coming from misogynists and rapists alike.

This publicity stunt followed Amber Rose’s marketing for her own ‘Slut Walk,’ which was inspired by the international demonstrations of feminists who came before her. The protest originated in Toronto, Canada, in response to the viewpoint of the justice system that victims of rape were ‘asking for it’ if they were dressed in a certain way. Her marketing of this event and provocative Instagram posts sparked heated opposition from people bringing her parenting skills into question. Apparently you cannot be sexually liberated and a mother at the same time, go figure. Men don’t have this dilemma when they enter fatherhood.

All of this outrage and these comments on how a woman should behave show how far the feminist movement still has to go in order to achieve gender equality. Why the desperate need for control over how many guys a woman has been with? All of this negativity is affecting the minds of younger generations and sending mixed messages for young vulnerable girls. You are condemned for being a “prude” or a virgin and then for being a “slut” once you are sexually active. You’re teaching these girls that their only value is based on their “body count” instead of what their minds are capable of achieving.

Men, this year let’s leave the judgement of women for their sexual history in the past and pay more attention to the content of their character when deciding on whether they would make a good life partner or not. Women let’s leave the guilt and stigmas surrounding sex in 2015 and focus on being healthy and happy in our relationships. Own your sexual prowess and stay protected at all times. True love is for everyone, not just the sexually inexperienced.

For more on this topic of female sexuality check out one of my earlier posts: The Female Commodity.

For more gems on sex and relationships look no further than the music industry and its visual aids.

If you do find yourself with child after all of this guilt-free sex take a look at what hopefully won’t be in store for you over the next 9 months.